About The Author/ Contact Me.

My name is Katie, I’m an 18 year old Junior attending Brigham Young University. I’m majoring in Public Health, in the Health Promotion track.

My interest in international health has been with me as long as I can remember. My mother was always pulling the “you don’t know how good you’ve got it” card on the kids in our family. We were never allowed to say “I’m starving”, because if we did we would get a 10 minute lecture on how we had no idea what starving truly was. All year my brother, sister, and myself were encouraged to do work to earn money to put in the jar with the picture of the starving African child, so we could buy a goat for their family but the end of the year. Every Christmas my grandmother took each of the grandchildren shopping for school supplies and Christmas presents we could give to other children who were less fortunate. My father, who has traveled to over 125 different countries has always come home telling me about his amazing international experiences. His stories fascinated me, to the point where I was DYING to get out of the country and experience the rest of the world for myself.

Since then I have traveled a lot, and in 2007, I was privileged enough to go to Beijing, China, and work in a Migrant camp there during my 2 week stay. It was truly a life changing experience. It helped me to realize that my friends, siblings, (and even myself up to that point), were completely ignorant to the issues of the world, affecting people OUR AGE. It made me think a lot about how different my life would be if I had been born in another country, or even to different parents within the United States.

This blog is simply to help promote change in the world.

The fact that you are actually reading this blog just goes to show that one person (yes, me!) can influence someone without even knowing it. While you are reading this, I am probably enjoying the luxury of a glass of clean water that came out of my sink, or eating for the 3rd, 4th, or maybe 5th time today. I could be in class. Yes, CLASS. To you, the fact that I am sitting in a desk at BYU probably doesn’t matter, but tell that to someone your age (no matter how old you are) in the Philippines, and they would most likely be stunned that I got to persue my education outside of 6th grade, middle school, high school, community college, and now a university.

One important thing you should know about me is : I was born with a genetic disorder called Moebius Syndrome, which caused facial paralysis. It also made it so I was not understandable for the first 7 years of my life. I finally had a surgery to fix my speech, but my facial paralysis is still present, and will be with me forever. It has caused me to be left out, ignored, made fun of, and judged. People look at me, to this day, assuming I am angry, or upset because I cannot show my happiness with a smile. When I was young I cried so many tears because no one wanted to be friends with the girl who never smiled. It was, and still is a VERY difficult thing for me to deal with. I have been offered time after time to get a simple surgery to have full function of my facial muscles. Doctors wonder why I decline time after time. Well the answer is simply this: Moebius Syndrome is one of my greatest blessings. It has given me the ability to empathize with others and not judge them. I know what it is like to be misunderstood, and misjudged. I know what it’s like to feel helpless because of a situation I was born into. I know how it feels to have something to say, and no way to say it. I know that if I had been born in another situation I could have something much worse than the small trial I deal with now.

Why Self Esteem?

January 2009 was one of the darkest times of my life. I felt as though the world was falling apart.  One of my best friends passed away, I didn’t get into the college of my dreams, the boy that I liked broke my heart, and my dancing dreams I had been working on for 5+ years had been shattered.  I was losing so many things that were huge parts of my life, and I felt like I was losing my identity. I had always been viewed as the skinny girl. My family members were always saying how they would “kill” for my body, and how I had a washboard stomach. I never had to worry about what I ate, because everything I wore was always too big for my anyway. When I was 15, I naturally weighed 99 lbs, and I didn’t even worry about my weight at all. My appearance just wasn’t a big deal to me. I hit puberty really late in life (when I was 15), and all of a sudden, I gained 20 lbs in a year, and it didn’t stop. All of a sudden I had hips, and boobs, and I was terrified, of what was going on. I was no longer a size 0, and I wasn’t fitting into “X small” shirts perfectly anymore.

One day, at my dance studio when I was 17,  my costume for a new routine arrived, and mine said “medium” on it. MEDIUM. I started bawling my eyes out, because to me, medium was fat. I could not believe that there were other girls my age around me wearing a smaller costume than me. That had never happened to me before. I knew I had to do something, so I turned to the only thing I knew that would for sure work. Stop eating. I ate only when there were people around who I knew were starting to suspect something was wrong, and then I would go throw up in the bathroom. I lost about 7 lbs doing this for about 2 weeks, and then I realized that it wasn’t satisfying enough for me. I started exercising hardcore as well. I was completely miserable. I never had a lower point in my life, but I just couldn’t stop. I knew I needed help. I got involved with boys, looking for love, and self esteem. I made really bad choices, and reaped the consequences. I was miserable.

The new semester started the next week, and I took a nutrition class, where I had a teacher who was also a physician. She helped me to find healthy ways to eat, and helped me to get over the disorder. More than anything, she helped me to find the root of the problem.

I did not love myself.

What I really needed was to know that I am just as capable as anyone else to do whatever I want. I have a curvy body, so what?! Some people like that. Everyone is attracted to different body types. Being defined as “skinny” wasn’t important to me anymore. Yes, I wish people had never said that to me in the first place, because I really wouldn’t have cared as much if it hadn’t been such a huge part of my identity, but it didn’t matter anymore, because I don’t want someone to be in love with my body. I want someone to love me, for me, and who I am.

I’m not ashamed of my weight, or my height. I eat healthily and exercise. I love chocolate, and pastries, and occasionally I have one. I’m okay with that, because I make other healthy choices that make it okay to have a sweet every once and a while. I keep a “joy journal” now, with different ways that I see happiness in my life. I try not to put myself down, and every day I try to remind myself of something good about me. I also serve 2 times a week. When I do, I am happier than just about any other time in my life, because I’m not thinking about myself. I’m thinking about how to serve another person, and that makes me happy, and feel good and accomplished.

Now I’ve turned to help the world, in the struggle for real beauty and happiness.

I hope from this blog, you gain something. And more than you gaining something, I hope that you resolve to do something to help someone else gain something. There are plenty of opportunities to reach out and make a difference in someone’s life. I’m here to help.

If you ever want to contact me directly, my email is katiesunbeam@gmail.com.